Sunday, April 19, 2009

I stand amid the dust of mounded years.

There are days when I’m just bubbling over with hope and excitement for the future. Days when there’s a peacefulness in my smile, when there’s a look in my eyes that I can see in the mirror. “God’s in His Heaven, All’s right with the world!” -- when I first memorized that poem for school I thought that was an inane poem and all that it merited was a huge “duh!” But as the years have passed it’s come up more and more in my thoughts until I realized that it expressed the type of hope and joy that only God can give.

I can’t describe what it’s like to feel the love of God. To know that you’re nowhere near the perfection God asks for and yet to know that you’re His, that Jesus died for YOU, and that despite all the pain I’ve caused Him He loves me. HE LOVES ME. One cannot taste of God’s love and turn back to unbelief; there is truly “no turning back.”

Today’s one of those days, and it’s an important one to me because it’s strengthened my faith. Yesterday I got the needs-based scholarship offer from PHC, and, well, it’s not enough. As it stands right now, my parents can’t afford it, and both my parents and I firmly refuse to go into debt to pay it off. It doesn’t seem like everything’s settled yet, though - I was told they really want me and there’s stuff going on behind the scenes but altogether the scholarships will pay only 47% of tuition when there’s a max of 80%. And there are a couple of different payment prices listed so we’re not sure which one they’re going off of. So whereas it was “yes until we get the final cost” it’s now “no until we get the final cost.”Sure I’m disappointed, but I haven’t lost hope. As K was singing to me yesterday, “My God is so BIG, so strong and so mighty there’s nothing my God cannot do…FOR YOU!” And although it seems like God is closing the door to Patrick Henry College I’m still excited for the future. Because if it’s not PHC it’ll be something better for me, at least in the long run, and frankly Patrick Henry would be pretty hard to beat.

So much can happen to this crazy world of ours in our future. Everything’s changing but I have the privilege of a firm foundation. I know Whom I have believed, and goodness but that’s goosebump-worthy. Nothing can harm me…I am His, and the world cannot stand against God…Then even Death must be a gentleman.

I say let change come. Let the future stand in its unknown, menacing palace, but let it be wary of those whom God has claimed as His own. We’ll fall and stumble a thousand times, (I know I do) but He promises never to leave or forsake us and that knowledge is enough to strengthen and hearten the weakest Christian. I am not afraid of what the coming years will bring, though I know they will not be easy even if I do go to Patrick Henry. Perhaps especially if I go to PHC. Perhaps God’s plan for me is entirely different than mine is, but so what? Much better the plan of an omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, LOVING God than that of a fragile, limited, imperfect young one still only just beginning to know God. It is a house built on rock that I have been given.

I suppose really, this is what it means to be human…and yet, to lean on God. God only grant that I serve Him with everything He’s given me!


Bilby P. Dalgyte said...

I truly admire your faith and belief :) I haven't heard someone speak so truly deeply about God in quite a while... which is kinda sad because it's just so beautiful :)

Good luck with where his path takes you, may you enjoy as much of it as you can :)

the thing that should not be said...

wow. i gotta say the first part of this post was absolutely beautiful.

your gonna think im weird for this, but i could honestly really see the love you were talking about in your words. moving, to say the least.

the future is indetermined, to factor in all the endless posibilities of choice and whatnot, its impossible to predict. but if you want something badly enough, and your willing to work and sacrifice for it, your almost guaranteed it.

me, i dont care for the future. i live for the present moment, the feeling of here and now in life and death. it works for me, but it doesnt for most other people funilly enough. probably cause im happy being a spectacular failure:)

Lydia said...

"Then even Death must be a gentleman." Excellent use of words. :)

I have a feeling that even if we both end up in the colleges we most want, we'll find that that's where we will be tested the most so we can grow the best. We're either climbing or sinking.

Great post!